she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
