Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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