I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
