I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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