i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
