Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
