Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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