I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
