Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
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