How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you have feelings for this penis?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
