I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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