So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
