Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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