Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
