Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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