Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
