Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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