i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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