how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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