I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize