Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
