I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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