Porn is love you can see.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
