The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize