I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
