All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
