Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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