I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
