I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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