Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
