I want to make a zoo with you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
