Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
