Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
