You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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