He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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