so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
