I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
