dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
