but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
