you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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