So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
