The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
false alarm. still invincible.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
