so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
