i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
