I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
