Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
