last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
