Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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