So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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