I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
