I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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