he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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