You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
