You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
