Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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