so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love you. Go after that dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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