I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
