the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize