Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
