If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
