if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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