but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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