and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
