I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
