ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
