i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
