I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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