haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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