oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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