two words: eviction party
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
