think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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