Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
