we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
