Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
