I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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