Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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