I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize