You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
