I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
