I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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