I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
