yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
