I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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