She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How external is "for external use only"?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
