oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
